Never Yours
by rainingWolf
Summary: He had his duty and Allura is the princess so he stood still, obeyed, held her tight even though she's not /your/ princess. At least not the way she was to Shiro. "It'll be ok," he said as his shoulders ached, as he heard a noise, as he looked up, saw a pair of dark blue eyes, saw Lance close the door with with what sounds like finality. - angsty Klance. Klangst.
1. Keith's Burden

In which misunderstandings occur and angst ensues between the Blue and Red Paladin.

Keith's POV- set after the finale of season 2

* * *

He's not exactly sure how much time had passed or if it even passes at all ever since the Black Lion opened and his almost brother wasn't inside. Nothing has changed since the Black Lion closed its jaws and sat still as stone.

Life goes on.

But it really doesn't when the princess hugged him one day, ghosted a kiss on his collar, and called him a name that wasn't his.

He had his duty and Allura is the princess so he stood still, obeyed, held her tight even though she's _not your princess._ At least not the way she was to Shiro.

It had happened when time had blurred; he had blinked, missed a second, two, and he was alone in front of the Lions. No one was around and he had put up a hand to the Black Lion, asking, pleading: _open and show me your secrets, Shiro, where is Shiro,_ and _please, please, please._

The Black Lion watched, impassive, never moving.

The Red Lion bent its head, nudged him, then stilled; he had no patience and didn't care for the Black Paladin because being _almost_ brothers wasn't good enough.

Keith slammed his hand against the Black Lion's leg and for a second, felt eyes on him. He whipped around but the chamber was empty. The white walls mocked him.

He turned back to the Black Lion looming over him and for the first time in his life, felt smaller than he ever had because Shiro had told him that he needed him to lead but never told Keith about the weight on his shoulders. His fingers ached and he tousled his hair, letting out a big exhale.

"Shiro?"

Allura stood before the pair of Red and Black Lions, closer to the smaller one, hair flowing down and eyes staring straight at him. She looked like a banshee, a wraith- a vision of beauty and sorrow in white as she clasped her hands in front of her. They were shaking. Next to her, the Black Lion continued his watch.

"Shiro?" The princess stepped closer and what could he do but open his arms because she's the princess. How could he refuse her when she looked like she would float away otherwise.

She came into his arms and he could feel her heart drumming against his own; he ignored the wetness on his shirt and instead, opted to run his hand up and down her back. Her hair smelled faintly of a flower he couldn't name.

Allura put her face against his chest and her lips grazed his collarbone before she buried her head deeper, as if trying to burrow her way to a heart that wasn't his.

"Shiro," she breathed and it was a whisper of loss, of mourning; Keith tightened his grip on her, anchoring them both, because Shiro was his brother even if the Black Lion refused him and the Red Lion taunt him from above.

"It'll be ok," he said as his shoulders ached, as he heard a noise, as he looked up, saw a pair of dark blue eyes, saw Lance close the door with what sounded like finality.

"It'll be ok," he said, "right?"

There was no answer back.

* * *

Next will be Lance's POV and how he reacts.

\- Reviews are much appreciated!

\- Hope you enjoy!


	2. Lance's (un)Happiness

Lance's POV

* * *

He should have known better than to go inside the Lions' chamber. Allura haunts it, wandering around and touching the Black Lion for answers that it won't give. But something broke in him when the Black Lion opened and Shiro wasn't inside. He needed something, anything to plug in the hole swelling in him.

He had gone to see Blue. He had seen the princess walk in and he had wanted to stop her but he didn't because she's _not his princess._ Not the way she was to Shiro. Not the way she is now to Keith.

Now, he avoids Keith for days.

Lance tells himself it isn't because every time he closed his eyes to sleep, he sees a picture of far away bliss that doesn't include him. He tells himself it isn't because three days ago, at the eating table, Allura had sat down, her hair pooled around her, and for a second, Lance thought it was a goddess gracing them with her presence. Instead, he had blinked once, twice, and the image had vanished; Allura's shoulders were tight, there was darkness beneath her eyes. Keith took her hand and didn't let go.

Coran picked at his food.

Life goes on.

But it really doesn't when he can't walk straight to Blue because the princess is a ghost, when he can't walk to the left because Shiro is gone, when he can't walk to the right because Keith is there, so he's just stuck pacing his room. It gets boring really quickly.

He swears he's not hiding when he takes the walk of shame to the kitchen to wash five plates and three cups. Pidge doesn't look up from her tinkering. Hunk sighs and just points at the growing number of dirty dishes piled on the counter. Keith is nowhere in sight.

That's a good thing, he thinks as he puts the first washed plate on the rack to dry. Then he stops himself because why would it be a good thing that he doesn't see Keith. It's not like Lance has anything against him. He knows he's lying to himself when at that moment, Keith walks in, hand in hand with Allura who's leaning on him as if she'd fade away otherwise; his stomach immediately twists.

Lance scrubs the second plate harder.

"Allura! How are you?" Pidge hugs her and for the first time since the Black Lion opened and Shiro wasn't inside, the princess has a smile on her face. It's weak. It's watery. But it's still a smile and he'll take it even as he starts tackling the third plate with the sponge.

"Better," Allura says.

"Good." Pidge lets go. Hunk gives them both a cookie. Allura seems to hold Keith's hand tighter.

Lance cracks the fourth plate.

All four look at him and he smiles, bearing teeth, even as his ears are burning, even as his face is heating up, even as his heart is smothering in his chest. "My bad."

Keith looks at the wall.

Something heavy settles in his stomach and he resists the urge to throw the last plate at Keith's stupid head. Then, as if Allura finally realizes his presence, she asks, "How are you?" The _all_ is implied but Hunk and Pidge immediately look at Lance as if this is a game they are watching and the ball is suddenly in his court.

"I'm fine." _Could be better_ rings in the back of his mind but he doesn't voice it even as Keith finds something on the wall so much more fascinating to look at than him. "I'm just gotta let you... ya know... do your thing now."

He takes a step to the exit and nobody stops him. One, two more steps, and he's _this_ much closer to freedom when Allura speaks again. "I'm glad to hear that," and her voice is gentle, soft. Lance almost hesitates because this is _Allura_ and she's the _princess_ and there must be some protocol about how he isn't supposed to just _leave_ without excusing himself or something but he sees Keith's tight shoulders…

He walks away. He doesn't look back.

Back in his room, he paces the familiar space and whispers to himself, "It'll be ok," even as eyes burn, even as his heart withers, even as he hears Keith walk into his room on the right and closes his door with what sounded like finality.

"It'll be ok," he whispers, "right?"

There was no answer back.

* * *

This chapter is meant to be a mirror of Keith's. Next shall be the confrontation between them. It might get explosive.

\- Reviews are much appreciated!

\- Hope you enjoy the story!


	3. Everything will be Okay

The third and final installment of this fic.

* * *

Everything has changed since the Black Lion opened and Shiro wasn't inside. Everything has changed since Allura held him tight and sighed a name that wasn't his. Everything has changed since he looked up and saw a door close on him.

Keith spends days anchoring Allura so her soul wouldn't become stardust. He feels himself rusting beside her and tries to not think about Lance walking away.

Life doesn't go on.

It is clear when yesterday, Lance walked in, saw him sitting with his knees touching Allura's, and walked back out without saying a single word. Pidge and Hunk had looked at each other and shared some kind of communication that Keith really didn't want to know about.

He had stared. His heart had ached. Allura had put a hand on his knee, squeezed it, and nodded towards the door.

He spends the night with Red and tries to ignore Blue.

Black looms silently next to him, never moving.

He wakes and puts a hand against Black because if Black can't accept him when he's shattering from the inside out, then Black will never accept him when he's whole; Keith will never be whole until the Black Lion opens and Shiro is inside.

His fingers ache and he tousles his hair, letting out a big exhale.

The door squeaks open.

He looks up and sees blue eyes.

Lance looks right back at him.

* * *

Everything has changed since the Black Lion opened and Shiro wasn't inside. Everything has changed since he walked in, stutter stepped, and walked out because the princess and Keith were holding each other as if they would shatter to dust otherwise. Everything has changed since the door to his right closed and never opened to him again.

Lance spends days studiously memorizing every detail in his room. He feels himself drowning in nothingness and tries to not think about Keith's hands.

Life doesn't go on.

It is clear when he walked in yesterday and saw Keith's knee almost touching Allura's. His stomach dropped to his knees and he had walked out because his heart was suffocating. Hunk slid a cookie under the doorway later that day; Pidge had drawn a smiley face icing on it.

He had stared at the offering and the emptiness in his room echoed in his ears; his walls mocked him.

He had slept, tossed and turned, dreamt of water and ice and the void.

He wakes up not remembering anything even as something in his chest breaks.

He needs Blue. He _craves_ him and enough is enough; he crawls out of bed, down the hall, past emptiness, past closed doors, and finally reaches the one that leads to the Lions' chamber.

Lance pushes it open.

He looks up and sees Blue, sees Red, sees Keith and it's just _too_ much...

The door swings shut behind him.

* * *

Keith doesn't move from his spot; his hands are still on Black but they are splayed flat, knuckles white, as he just stares at Lance because what the cheese? After stuttered awkwardness and not seeing each other, they finally meet in the Lions' chamber where he's pretty sure things started unraveling more than they did when the Black Lion opened and Shiro wasn't inside.

Black sits, unmoving, even as Keith's hands press harder and harder against the cool metal.

Lance's gaze traces the white knuckles and tries not to think of what those hands could do. He swallows, senses Blue's longing, and tries to find better words than the bitter ones swelling in his throat.

He fails and it happens quickly, with one soft, spiteful word from his lips: "Why?"

The first time Lance says it, Keith ignores him, hands steadfast and steady on Black even as his heart shudders. Why? Why what? He really doesn't know, or wants to know, what the other is talking about. There is nothing they have to discuss. Or at least that's what he tells himself as he takes his hands off Black and he hears an almost sigh escaping from the Lion. Something in his chest pops.

Lance sees Keith clasps his hands together in front of him as if praying for patience and he asks again, "Why," as the word burns in his throat because all he can think of are closed doors; his hands are sweating and everything inside him is icy cold as he stalks forward.

Lance wonders if he should be the one praying for patience instead as a bubble of anger forms in the pit of his stomach at the silence.

Little things assault Keith's senses as the other boy steps towards him. Red's eyes seem to glow for a second before they don't; Blue seems to lean towards his partner for a second. Lance's uneven breathing. The sound of his own teeth grinding against each other as Black looms against his back. He blinks once, twice, and all the events join force to bring the hostility in the room to its peak.

Keith doesn't move. Keith doesn't speak. His hands do all the talking as they change from a prayer to fists. He makes to take a step but he can't; not when it hurts to move, not when it aches to breathe. He wants to say something, anything to stop Lance from making that face. Instead, he stands there, with Black behind him, with Red beside him, feet firmly on the floor. The pressure in Keith's chest, in Keith's heart, is so intense that he can barely breathe; it fizzles, crackles, foams inside him and before he can stop himself, he's shouting back, "Why what? Lance? Why what?"

"Why are you _here_?" Lance spits out bitterly. If his hands clench any tighter, they would draw blood. He senses more than sees Blue's tail unfurling towards him.

Keith finally finds his voice as he bites out, "And why can't I be here, exactly." He means his words to come out soft. He means his words to come out questioning. But he can tell it's the opposite effect when Lance's face turns ugly for a second, marring it before it smooths back into normalcy.

"Because it's just wrong! Everything is just wrong!" Lance knows he sounds childish as he yells at Keith but when Allura's ghost is still lingering in the Lions' chamber and Black is an unmovable object behind Keith, it's just too much for him to handle.

"You shouldn't be _here_ ," the Blue Paladin says as he sweeps his aching hands out at the Lions and Keith resists the urge to back up until Black swallows him whole.

"I can be here if I want to be," Keith shoots back.

"No. You shouldn't be here. You're ruining _everything._ "

"What do you mea-"

Lance suddenly makes a move towards him and Keith bangs his elbow against Black's large paw in surprise.

"Because it should be _Shiro_ here and not you!" Lance's words echo in the chamber and immediately, the air becomes hard to breathe. It feels like fire to his lungs because quiznak, he can practically _see_ Keith completely take it the wrong way as the Red Paladin's jaw clenches hard.

Keith's teeth hurt from how tightly he's trying to not spew out poison as he takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself. It doesn't work when the air feels like ice lodging in his heart considering how his hands had broken out in a cold sweat from Lance's words. Hasn't he tried hard to bridge the hole that Shiro had left? Does no one see that he's doing his best?

Keith finally finds his voice as he states, "Like you, I'm here to do my duty." He tries not to think of Black's presence at his back and the lingering memory of Shiro in his heart.

 _Duty._ Lance hates that word and how it chains them both as the Lions continue their watch over them. Blue hums in his mind and he mutters, "I can't believe you're saying that," because how is it duty when Allura holds Keith's hands when it should be Shiro she's holding.

That's Keith's breaking point and he flares up, steps forward, hands coming up to do something as he snarls, "Yes. _Duty_ ," because his shoulders are so so heavy ever since the Black Lion opened and Shiro wasn't inside.

The word mocks them both and the Blue Paladin takes a breath, two, as if to steady himself before he abruptly turns around as if to walk away.

Keith reaches towards the other as if to pull him back. " _No!_ You don't get to question me and walk away like that. How _dare-_ "

But Lance dares because his heart is about to fall out of his chest so he turns back around, looks the Red Paladin in the eyes, and sneers, "Why shouldn't I? Everyone's already walked away from you."

There is suffocating silence as Lance blinks, pales, steps forward because that is _such_ a low blow and he can _see_ Keith's face contort into something like _heartbreak_ …

"No! I didn't mean it!"

Keith doesn't hear the other's words as he backs up until he hits Black with his back and he bites out, "You meant it! If you didn't, you wouldn't have said it!" He sees the hostility in Lance's eyes dampen but it's no use when the Lions look down from above in a disapproving way as if knowing every hidden secret fear Keith had locked away in his heart ever since he looked up at the sky and dreamt of flight.

"No! I _swear_!" Lance feels like he's about to throw up when Keith's eyes flash at him, pinning him down, and quiznak, how the cheese did everything get so complicated?

"I just… I didn't mean it."

Keith doesn't answer back; his eyes are hooded dark circles. Lance's stomach swirls and he takes it as a sign to say something. "I just… I just want to _fix_ us and I don't know if I can because something's _wrong_ and-"

"Fix?" Keith's laugh is dry, raspy, as if disused and Lance cringes at the sound of it. " _What_ is there to _fix_ exactly?"

Nothing is the first answer that pops into Lance's head and it comes out of his mouth before he pauses, gulps, and says, "Everything" because he looks up and sees Black at Keith's back as if protecting him.

Keith explodes, hands coming up to grab Lance's collar and pulling him close. "And what do you know? What do you _think_ I've been doing?"

"Canoodling with Allura, for one thing!" Lance puts out a finger as if going to count off more but he's cut off as Keith, undeterred in his anger, pushes him away.

"I was doing _no_ such thing!" Keith's tone is sharp, angular, ready to sever the single accusing finger Lance is putting up. "I was doing my-"

This time, it's Keith who gets cut off as Lance is the one to explode, jabbing his offending finger at the Red Paladin. "That's right. _Duty_. But that doesn't mean you get Allura to yourself. It should be Shiro here! Not you! Allura deserves better!" The words _We all do_ echoes loud in his mind but he doesn't voice it as Keith's face twists downwards.

The Lions say, do, think nothing as they maintain their watch over the two of them.

Keith's mind blurs as Lance continues his tirade. "Just because Shiro isn't here doesn't you mean you get to have Allura!"

Keith pushes Lance's finger out of his face as he snarls in frustration. "What're you _talking_ about? Allura and me aren't _together_."

"And how am I supposed to know that? You've been with her the _entire time_ since…"

They both say nothing; the presence of Black looming over them is enough for Lance to not finish his sentence.

Keith breaks the silence as he says in a voice that sends fire in Lance's abdomen, "Allura and I aren't like that. I'm just… trying to keep her together, keep the _team_ together." There is a beat before he continues in a tone that smolders with emotions, "Why can't you see already? Allura and I aren't like that. I'm not _Shiro._ "

The fire spreads from within Lance and out his mouth; before he realizes it, he's shouting, "You don't _have_ to be Shiro! Don't you see? That's why I love you!"

Time slows, stops, for Keith as his mouth drops slightly open because what the cheese did Lance just say- but he has no time to think as Lance plows on, seemingly unaware of exactly what he just said.

"You don't _have_ to be Shiro to comfort Allura. You don't have to be _anybody_ but yourself! Why don't _you see_ that?" Lance's chin juts out and the action makes the Red Paladin suck in a quick breath.

"You don't need to fill Shiro's shoes! You're trying your best and that's all that matters!" Lance takes a step closer to him and Keith can feel the heat radiating off the other's body.

There is a stretch of silence where Lance breathes heavily, ragged, spent, drawn to Keith's parted lips because the echoes of what he just said finally resonates in his mind. Love. He had said it. He can see the other boy's adam's apple bob, uncertain in its motion; Blue hums approvingly in his mind and Lance takes the chance, saying in a hesitant voice, "You're not Shiro. But that's okay. Because you're enough."

And maybe if the Blue Paladin had said this the moment the Black Lion opened and Shiro wasn't inside, Keith would have lashed out with a torrent of words meant to defend his injured pride and shattered self; when the event that prompted Allura to be a ghost was fresher and Keith was rawer. But as he looks at Lance with his lopsided smile and honest love, at Lance who'd been more than a decent teammate, who had been his unacknowledged desire until they both ruined it with stubbornness, Keith finds different words instead. Better ones.

Keith's hands are cold and his back is wet from sweat as he rolls off Black and out of the Lion's shadow but he persists, strives forward, tucks his hand into Lance's as if it's the final puzzle piece before completion, and says, "Thanks."

Lance stares. The hand that Keith holds is hot, burning him from the inside out and he struggles to breathe; he looks at Keith, at his clear eyes that are no longer cloudy, no longer dark, and raises his sight to Black.

"It'll be okay, right," he breathes in question and he can swear that Black is sighing as well.

This time, there is an answer back as Keith tightens his hold and looks up at Black in the light.

"Yeah. I think it'll be okay."

* * *

\- Well that was a good run.

\- Hope everyone enjoys this story!

\- Reviews are much appreciated.


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